Bulgarian ignoble; Cleveland fusty

One of the strategies spammers use to get past Bayesian spam filters is to include, in their hidden text, lists of infrequently used words. The unedited list below from such an email contains gems of unintended poetry. As a writing exercise, you might select any string of six consecutive words from this list and construct a story that incorporates them.

Without further ado . . .

horsdoeuvre washout northern duty hebrews reverential. egghead indignant scholar leatherwork saucy nomenclature igloo desert mousetrap towboat print typewritten electret albeit ibidem condescension alternate divisible huge. quaint czechoslovak fallen chauffeur reverential adjudge grim authenticate stargaze haphazard. emulsification condescend scull armistice eighth grandiose lancaster peer derail. whiny malarial crazy centimeter v harry borax barbital clever conversion. basilica affix hearted staple thanatolog northumbria alabaman dumbbell nevada score sacrament reverential fetish dexter only shortcut vogue enemy habeascorpus. print yule lacie corpus atonal tall smug grasshopper pedigreed.

headsmen. stick gypsy terrain binding.

beth monaco mortician. catastrophe frontiersman refract scales locksmith. elsalvadore maam lifelong boom indignant burnout oratory candid live oceanside ivory berkshire keypunch extemporaneous centrist. krypton granny dowel ci superlative syllabi eighth motto. alsace delight riot job insinuate notorious damp rhodesia firebreak downcast principal provocation guillemot. alphameric architect cerebrate terrapin rubble zero accuracy homonymy hartford knob gyrfalcon you habitude fritter seismolog elm boast refresh contra candid irreverent portulaca.

agony slat sclera advice historic galvanic mackinaw museum.

highwayman bacterial spangle maiden administrate autocrat hyperbola fragmentary solace turk brine. polygyn torment chapel.

grief mongolian beaker epistolatory elsalvadore rely.

longsuffering saith cordage crease secondary creed pizzeria apparition astringent poetic morale let hightail emphases councilman prepare carob interpolate. stalactite clay proboscis duchess.

logarithm hovel froze tangibly sovkhozy sweat arizona horsy crow penetrably pine decisive guillemot attest. booth cue dispensary technocrat khartoum subtract equivalent thessalonians madest java wed knapsack scrimmage pet machination defy girl large encode binaural luther. cent capacity eyewitness. loquacious elsalvadore symmetry eighth florentine prefab roommate wield waylaid lieu. jewelry scour chessboard dependent satchel genius divisor kennel georgia perorate prefix watt crease issue citadel lifetime noble spent flack bombproof testbed calibrate solace. altruism rind alway nevada southerner. distaff mandatory egypt elsalvadore leapt revolutionary.

chap slag eradicate newfangled pastry meliorate gingham mutably perspicuous aloud. boredom atrophic astir vivid cohesive polity shrug exculpate antipodes budgetary yemen monk fritter privilege agrarian autonom eminencegrise atlanta stifle.

nevada prisoner solder advocate bacterial sarsaparilla galore incommunicado crow turbaned ombudsmen sepulchral trapping minuscule kenyan accost yeomanry typic delivery. etch rear contour transfuse phobia drunk rhododendron are point.

prerequisite red slander wingmen byte last frontiersman cilia scan slowdown notorious cambodian blink pendulous cue revelation wast counsel amble equal alabaman. reject hardline winsome atonal maelstrom reticulum mile genotype doest soignee icon pastor script samovar mimetic learn burrito crosstalk tether pour react. assiduous coast jewelled sprint eucalyptus.

philadelphia testate topograph toll ovary rector. pension cytolog grapheme dynamite essential wastebasket fragment southerner reticulum rapture homogenize bulgarian histrionic bavaria viaduct ferry airmass decoy allergic carrel irrevocable. budgetary reception life plate cater unicef distort naval mousetrap tuba wheelchair treason sixteen tuft thwack flack chirp doctorate block heard.

repentant astringent tie postpone mallet magnum terrain java suite siren. infectious gullibly solicitous inevitability defacto saguaro skewer glade boron multiplicity blest wheelchair inure roost commodity corral. tangibly orthopedist dispensary painstaking hartford mensurable passersby chairperson upgrade delight allay shlemiel blanch cortices. berkshire amphetamine outside matthew goblet soliloquies smash attach wont leatherwork python kerchief huddle. shamrock injure scad pathogenesis chew perfuse falsehood locale lewd prejudice amicably interpolate spearhead ionosphere had retrorocket sacrament declension entrance.

whop bulgarian ignoble mutably elicit beam conciliate hocuspocus strip epa portulaca introductory blister tombstone swoop. dexter houseful fierce slab confidante submarine reject harrass wont astringent foothill hen burnout. success lounge sorption firebreak bureau. slowdown ducting. nihilist slug pantry. centigrade binaural tiff copyright facade ducting engross unicef pantomime. increase inhale kerosene surly.

santaana ombudsmen alphameric chimeric egypt staircase scrota cleveland fusty propriety treasure trapping grandmother macaroni barbarian tablespoonful. infix buckeye repast atrophic. subtract palindrome mantrap orthopedist whop gaslight crewman lifetime bystander accuracy equidistant pleurisy o pyrrhic comely violet flightpath.

Why it's important to work with native speakers of the language you intend to publish in

I am sitting in a hotel room in Trieste, which is at the moment in Italy, although it is walking distance to Slovenia and has flown many flags over the millenia, including its own as an independent city-state under UN protection after the Second World War.

A city with such a varied history naturally has much to offer tourists, and we have scheduled a full day of sightseeing following the end of my wife’s conference. In her conference bag was a highly produced tourist guide in English, a large-format map with attractively designed blocks on the back describing suggested touring options. This is the official publication of the tourist agency and carries no advertising. Thought went into this.

I am reading about James Joyce, who lived here twice. The writing and editing is fine. A native speaker of British English edited the copy for this translation. But the typesetting was done by someone who does not know English well. The text in the second column begins like this:

Even his most famous work, “Ulys-
ses”, was planned in Trieste, whe-
re he also wrote some of its most
significant chapters.

There is no variety of English in which “where” is two syllables, but to someone who speaks a Romance language, “where” can look like two syllables.

Certainly there are ways to avoid such traps. Choosing the correct hyphenation dictionary for the language you are typesetting is helpful, even if most compositors forget to do it. But being a native speaker is safer.

Book design is no laughing matter. Okay, it is.

Knopf book designer Chip Kidd’s TED talk

Sproin-n-n-n-n-g

March 19: PG Azalea

March 20: Andromeda

March 21: Forsythia; flowering quince budded with a couple flowers open

Oh my, this is early.

To be honest . . .

I shouldn’t have to tell you this. Your parents should have taught you that honesty is the best policy. But maybe you forgot, or maybe you just suppressed it because it was hard to implement.

But if you are going to invest months or years of your life in writing a book and seeking publication or thousands of dollars of your own money to self-publish, you really ought to be honest with yourself about why you want to do that.

There are many reasons individuals give for writing books, and all of those reasons are valid. But the book has to match the reason. When you come to me and say you’ve written a novel, I expect the manuscript you send me to be a novel, not a thinly disguised vendetta against your ex or a memoir about how a lousy surgeon or a hack lawyer did you wrong. If you tell me you’ve written a how-to book, don’t send me a political screed. (And if you tell me you’ve written a political screed, don’t send me a how-to book.)

Because I’ll find out. There will be no secrets that you can keep from a good editor. But lying to yourself and lying to your editor can put you in an awkward position: you’ve committed to publishing something entirely different from what you said it was going to be. And looked at in bright sunlight, when all is said and done it may not be a book that you want to spend time and money marketing, even though you’ve spent time and money writing it and publishing it.

If your real passion is to stand on a soapbox and tell people in the park what a horrible place this world is and how you would make it better if you had the power to do so, then you may have no passion left when I excise your soapbox declamation from your action-adventure novel (because it’s out of place there).

Before you start writing a book, decide why you want to write it.

Honesty matters.

Logical punctuation

This post is about commas, periods, and quotation marks. If you are already stifling a yawn, just move along.

In the United States, commas and periods go inside quotation marks, regardless of logic. Colons and semicolons go outside the quotation marks, regardless of logic. And question marks and exclamation points go in or out, depending on the logic. That is our convention. You learned it, or should have, in elementary school.

In the UK (and other places where British English is written), the convention is that logic rules in all cases. Thus, a comma or period may occur outside the quotation marks if it is not part of the material being quoted.

Fine. You knew that.

And you may also know that some Americans, particularly people with some background in computer programming, would very much like it if American editors and typographers would switch to the British system, as this would greatly simplify the problem of rendering computer code unambiguously. But let’s not get into that issue just now.

What I want to talk about here is the history of the divide between the U.S. and UK conventions.

There are several stories floating around—urban myths—that setting the period inside the quotes arose because compositors might otherwise lose or break those fragile, small periods, back in the days of hand composition. I can tell you, having set type by hand myself, that this is nonsense. First, most punctuation occurs in the middle of a line of type, not at the end. Second, the period is no more fragile or likelier to be dropped than a quotation mark if it should happen to occur at the end of a line. There would be no reason for a compositor to care one way or the other. Please stop spreading that story.

So what’s the true story?
The true story is that the divide is of recent origin. British typographers followed the same convention as American typographers well into the twentieth century. The switch to logical punctuation in the UK took place within the memory of people now living. I have not tracked down a definitive date, but the change did not occur until at least the 1930s and possibly a decade or more later, in any case long after the bulk of composition was done on machines, not by hand. Just as the British eventually adopted the metric system and we Americans dug in our heels, so too in this case, the right-pondians made a conscious decision to right what they felt was a logical abomination while we stayed true to the older system.

But what was the point in the first place? I’m still digging, but my guess is that the principal consideration was aesthetic. With metal types, placing a period or comma after a quotation mark creates an unsightly gap in the line and thus a pigeonhole on the page. For most of the history of printing from moveable type, that has been something to avoid if possible. With modern typesetting software, the problem can be mitigated through prudent kerning, but that’s a quite recent development.

Will we in the U.S. adopt the British system? Maybe in a few gigaseconds.

Comcast

What part of “customer service” do they not understand? Enough said.